Submissives: STOP Doing This! The Top Merry-Go-Round Problem [BDSM] – Evie Lupine
Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJxR0BbhENw
Summary
### Summary
The text discusses the challenges faced by newcomers in the BDSM scene, particularly Dominants (D-types). It highlights how people tend to give newer D-types a wide birth until they have been around for a while, creating a sense of scarcity. Typecasting and the positive feedback loop also play a role in limiting their exploration of different types of scenes. The idea that D-types don’t have feelings or needs contributes to this issue.
Highlights
- Newcomer Dominants: Folks tend to give newer D-types a wide birth until they’ve been around for a while.
- Scarcity Sense: Constant reminder of not being picky can be very motivating, but also painful.
- Typecasting: Community loves its boxes (e.g., sub, slave, masochist). Tops are associated with specific types of play they do in public.
- Positive Feedback Loop: People approach them for doing the same thing over and over again, causing them to do more of it.
- Emotional Needs: The idea that D-types don’t have feelings or needs contributes to this issue.
Key Takeaways
- Important Points:
- Newcomer Dominants: People tend to give newer D-types a wide birth until they’ve been around for a while.
- Scarcity Sense: This constant reminder of not being picky can be very motivating, but also painful.
- Typecasting: Community loves its boxes (e.g., sub, slave, masochist). Tops are associated with specific types of play they do in public.
- Positive Feedback Loop: People approach them for doing the same thing over and over again, causing them to do more of it.
- Emotional Needs: The idea that D-types don’t have feelings or needs contributes to this issue.
Summary: In a BDSM context, the „top Mar ground“ situation occurs when tops and Doms may feel trapped, exploited, and unfulfilled in their relationships due to societal expectations. This often happens when people expect Doms and tops to perform certain roles without considering their personal needs or emotions. Another phenomenon is „Dom disillusionment syndrome,“ where some bottoms and submissives expect their Doms and tops to be perfect, emotionless figures meeting all their fantasies, which can lead to disappointment when the reality of human emotions comes into play.
Important Points:
– Top Mar ground: A situation where tops and Doms feel trapped, exploited, and unfulfilled due to societal expectations.
– Dom disillusionment syndrome: Expectation that Doms and tops are perfect, emotionless figures meeting all fantasies.
Emojis: 🏃♂️, 🕺, 🤝, 💔, 😢, 🌐, 🧩
Summary: The text emphasizes the importance of self-care and setting emotional boundaries in BDSM relationships, especially for tops. It suggests advocating for oneself during negotiations and being aware of one’s limits and needs. The author addresses the problematic „top Mar ground“ where tops are seen as interchangeable providers of kink experiences without emotional fulfillment. They encourage individuals to prioritize their own emotional needs and to communicate these with their play partners, ensuring a mutually respectful relationship.
